Book Store Kid

A guy walks into a bar at the top of the Empire State Building (assuming that they have bars at the top of the Empire State Building). He has a few drinks to fortify himself, then walks up to a table by the window, where sits a lone business man.

"You know," says the guy, "tonight is a very special night, meteorologically speaking."

"Why's that?" asks the business man.

"Well, the wind is just right here in the city tonight that I could, concievably, jump out that wondow...and the wind will lift me right back up so I can climb back in."

"Bullshit," says the patron.

"If I try it first and succeed, you promise that you'll do the same?" the man asks.

"Sure thing, bud. It's your life"

The man opens the window, hoists himself out onto the ledge, and leaps. 10 seconds later he drifts back up, much to the astonished amazement of the business man.

"Told you so," says the man. "Now it's your turn."

Apprehensively, the business man climbs out, loosens his tie, and leaps 102 stories to his death.

As ambulances swarm toward the gruesome scene below, the bartender approaches the man and says "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

Today I finished work early and decided to kill some time before dinner browsing the shitty bookstore near Samsung Plaza. I wasn't there two minutes when some bespectacled high school kid approached me and started asking me questions.

"Where are you from? Do you like Korea? Have you been to Everland?"

Then he told me I looked like JC from N'SYNC (are they even a group still?), and that's when I knew he wanted something.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question? I have it written down here. You can take it home with you, think about it, and then e-mail me back with your response."

"Sure, I guess so," I said, knowing I would do no such thing, only wanting the little jackanape to bugger off so I could waste time in peace.

"OK, thanks. Here's my question." He handed me a torn half sheet of notebook paper. It read:

How do Jem and Scout change during the course of the novel? How do they remain the same?

Now, this little fucker didn't bother to tell me that his "question" concerned the characters from Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird. The little bastard wanted me to answer his fucking essay question, but didn't bother to ask whether I was familiar with the novel.

So, me being the insufferable cunt that I am, I wrote back:

Jem is forever changed after his coming of age menage a trois with Calpurnia and Miss Maudie. He becomes a bigger stud than Secretariat, and bangs more hoes than a retarded farmer. Scout, on the other hand, becomes introverted and meek after she is raped by Mr. Ewell. Later, she dons a ham costume to protest being treated as a piece of meat, and also to express her newfound vegetarian outlook.

This is a powerful, moving novel. A novel which, in the hands of a lesser talent than the prolific Harper Lee, would come off as trite and unemotional. The changes are what make the characters of Jem and Scout great. There aren't enough changes in books these days, I think.

In conclusion, I like toffee. Elephants are big. So I'd like to know where you got the notion. Said I'd like to know where you got the notion.

Don't rock the boat baby.