Dogs are Barking

I have big feet.

They're not abnormally big. I mean, you couldn't put a Subway sandwich inside my shoe without it touching the sides like some weird-best version of Operation sponsored by Reebok and Parker Brothers, but they're noticeably big for my height. I'm almost exactly* 6-feet/183cm tall**, yet my shoe size is anywhere from 10 and a 1/2 to 11 and a 1/2***. Those dimensions aren't kind. I have permanent swim fins glued to my feet. I accidentally kick people's shins when I walk in crowds.

And I have flat foot****. I also broke my leg when I was four, and maybe one leg grew longer than the other, so I put more weight on one leg than the other as I was healing, and then I satanism. Or maybe not. Ancient Aliens.

Regardless, my feet are constantly in pain. They hurt so much that I want to punch them every day!

Sounds like a plan.


* Paging Dr. Oxymoron. Please see Nurse Pain in the ICU.

** I will fight, tooth and nail, for that inch/centimeter.

*** 290 in Korea. My index finger is also as long as my ring finger. Ladies.

**** flat feet!