Prance of the Flies

You know, I've always been a big Christopher Lee fan, which is something that's difficult to admit as a man expressing his adoration of an eighty-seven-year-old actor, but I regret nothing. He's the bee's knees, boys and girls (and don't you forget it), and that's taking into account each and every one of the more than 200 films of which he's been the star.

Of these masterpieces, Robin Hardy's seminal work, The Wicker Man (1973) is, reputedly, one of Lee's favorite films, as well as a showcase for the illustrious actor's versatile talent. As the enigmatic Lord Summerisle, Lee infused the role with a sinister sophistication all his own, and the character will, perhaps, be remembered for generations to come as Christopher Lee on a pagan island, rather than Summerisle proper.

The actor and the film are, undoubtedly, inexorably linked (and rightfully so, constant retards), but the film itself is a classic "thinking man's" horror film,* one worthy of repeated viewings, and yet it's the song and/or dance routines that truly cement this work as a masterpiece of cinema. Let's take a moment to count them, shall we?

1. Singing in the pub

2. The Britt Ekland mating ritual

3. The Maypole Song**

Just a woman holding an egg while she breastfeeds her baby

4. Fertility Dance

5. Christopher Lee, piano man***

6. Hicksville Hoedown

7. Carnivalesque Finale

In consideration of such euphonious majesty, can there be any doubt on your part, Dickless Reader, that the Wicker Man is anything but a welcome addition to one's film collection?**** Don't hesitate. Purchase / rent / steal / borrow / download it today.

* Known in some circles as 'suspense,' or even 'thriller,' but that's not how Christopher Lee rolls, believe me.

** And on that bed there was a girl / And on that girl there was a man / And from that man there was a seed ...

*** I've read that the piano scene wasn't in the original script, but Mr. Lee had demanded its inclusion so as to better illustrate his limitless flexibility, and I for one applaud his foresight, as the scene accurately encapsulates the film.

**** As if you'd need a reason beyond the presence of Christopher Lee.