Sax on the Beach

(Lame title, but my only other option was Your Daily Dose of ?????, so please be kind.)



Joel Schumacher's The Lost Boys was, undoubtedly, a pleasurable experience for me, and I dare say that it has aged well in the past twenty years or so since its release. But this post isn't about the film, per se, it's about a buff, Vaseline-covered dude playing saxophone on a stage at some third-rate seaside amusement park, and the scene in which he appeared.

I understand -all too well- that it was the mid-Eighties, and that physically imposing saxophone players with greasy ponytails were all the rage, but even so, I have to question just what manner of twisted logic was behind the decision to include the saxophone guy in the film. Friend of a friend's recommendation during a cocaine binge, perhaps? I guess in Hollywood, it's all in who you know.*

Granted, the scene itself is utterly preposterous, and I suppose responsibility shouldn't be placed on the guy's oily shoulders alone. Let's break this endearing catastrophe down. (Feel free to watch the video again, just in case you missed something crucial.)

1. Lady with pink hair, pretending to play the guitar. She wasn't even trying to look convincing. I could have done a better job. Give me a pink wig, guitar, and breasts, and I'll prove it.

2. Pastel-colored balloons. They totally fit in with the scene. Honestly. What better way to exemplify a nighttime concert than with balloons?

3. Fires blazing from within steel barrels. These props provided the scene with the street cred necessary to appeal to that big hobo demographic.

4. Chains used as jewelry. Nice move, sax man, as chains are both stylish and masculine. Be honest, though, and tell me (with a straight face) that you didn't steal them from The Humungus.

5. Corey Haim's attire. As stated above, yes it was the Eighties, so I guess Haim gets away with such a dreadful ensemble, but I don't have to like it!

6. Jami Gertz. Gertz was okay, I guess. She's mostly just prancing around, swaying back and forth, looking good, and clapping her hands in tandem with the music, which brings me to...

7. Clapping hands. That shit's out of hand.

8. The crowd. There were fat guys, bald guys, middle-aged guys, shirtless guys, girls sitting atop shoulders, elderly women, families, paraparetics; all of whom were outrageously enthusiastic about the performance. Needless to say, they were clapping their hands, too. (I bet you a dollar that at least one of them was wearing a members only jacket as well.)

9. The headbangers. One group engaged in a 'combo attack' of sorts, while the second pair whipped that hair like it was going out of style (which it most certainly was). Seriously now; barring whatever feelings a viewer may have regarding said activity, there's something about doing such things to music involving a saxophone that just doesn't compute. Tell me I'm wrong.

I've probably missed something, but that's for you to decide. At the end of the day, this particular day, I just can't imagine how the producers, director, and cast could have endorsed the inclusion of this scene into an otherwise likable movie. It's such a goddamned mess, and yet I feel like watching it again. Strange indeed.



* And I know big Mama Cass!