A Shoplifting Dog

Daddy, it's good to be alive...Then you can do stuff.

-- My daughter, the 18th Letter

Saw Coraline today with Grandma, Legs, and the little girl. Short review: not as scary for the 18th L as I worried it might be, although she did ask to go to bed with the nightlight (a Strawberry Shortcake nightlite!)...Ate turkey for the first time in six years, didn't crap again for the fourth consecutive day...Got very depressed (again) while browsing around the supermarket, knowing that in a short time such variety will all be lost. Fucking E-Mart, man...It's arresting to be attended to at a concession stand by a four-foot-tall teenager with hair like one of the Jonas Brothers...Jesus, the Toronto Raptors suck. Silver lining: at least Toronto has the Leafs and the Blue Jays...Today I ate a sandwich the size of my head. My head! Can I get a big Marv Albert Yes! on that one?...Stuffing!...I cannot handle having over one thousand channels and being able to watch every single basketball game broadcast. Pinch me. That plane went down over the Pacific, didn't it?...After so many years spent shopping in crowded Korean grocery stores, shopping on a Sunday afternoon in a gigantic supermarket filled with, aproximately, twelve people feels way too easy...Tomorrow, I eat a Quarter Pounder 및 치즈 seven days too late. Maybe I'll eat six more to make up for forgetting my priorities. Don't think I won't. I have quite the guilty conscience...Why didn't you wave hello to me today when I waved hello to you today? (One of the many quotable lines of dialogue from the glorious In Bruges)...You need to know this: right now I'm typing on a pink laptop. Yes, my girlfriend and soon-to-be wife bought us a pink laptop. On a weighted relationship scale of "pink laptop" versus "being maimed by a soup pot and sleeping every night with one eye open," I'll gladly accept the former. Besides, it's a manly pink...The difference between Korean and American cable programming, in a nutshell: In Korea, a serial killer is caught and Super Action airs Memories of Murder, whereas KTLA airs Teen Wolf on the night of a full moon. To be fair, however, I can't recall the last time I saw a Korean news channel report about a shoplifting dog...The Canadian History Channel is airing Forest Gump. Kinda stretching it, just like when TSN/ESPN airs poker...

All right, I think it's time to drop the facade. The truth is, I'm not in Canada right now. Those photos you might've seen the other day? Fabricated like the NASA moon landing.