The Business

Some quick thoughts as I contemplate the existential question Does God have a mommy?

I am Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, and you will bend to my will...You know how Apple updates its iPods like every other day? I couldn't care less about that, but it seems Nintendo (also known as "Just When I Thought I was Grown Up They Keep Pulling Me Back In") is pulling a similar stunt with the DSi. Bigger screen? Cool. Camera? It's not like I don't have one on my cell phone, let alone on my FUCKING DIGITAL CAMERA, but whatever. No slot for Game Boy Advance games? Never stuck my thing into that gaping orifice, anyway. But if you make that badboy slimmer, it just may break. I'm all for streamlining products -- punctuation, not so much -- but who wants to play a portable gaming device while at the same time feeling as though he's holding an After Eight? Not me, Constant Retard, and certainly not you...My boxer shorts share the name of a Charlie Chaplin film (Modern Times, even though they house The Great Dictator)...You know, I would have bet a million dollars/a couple of pesos that Stephon "God's Son" Marbury would overdose before Isiah Lord Thomas. Life is funny sometimes. By the way, you can call it an accidental overdose if you want to be all PC, but I reserve my right, then, to call it intentional stupidity...Hi. You might know me as Mos Def, the guy who dropped the phenomenal Black on Both Sides in 1999 (just as good as -- if not greater than -- Nas's Illmatic) but in real life I'm just some guy who dropped a few hot singles, parlayed that into the awesome-yet-disappointingly short-lived Blackstar "project" with my similarly complacent aquaintance, Talib Kweili, then went all Mel Gibson, releasing an album without a cover and Trying to Do Meing Kanye West's Graduation. But I feel much better now. My new single is called "Life in Marvelous Times," and if you don't like it you're probably a child rapist. I'm back...Finally, Ming&Tracy&Ron&Luis&Rafer. Make me a shirt.