The illusion of perfection

Trick Daddy: That onion soup was trill.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Anthony Michael Hall is such a shit.

Carmen Electra: The white one with the little pink hearts? You think so!?

Frank Oz: Yoda's easy. Grover's hard...You bump into me again and I WILL Prince Be you, Christian Bale.

Werner Herzog: In The Wild? Shit, Sean Penn, I made that movie 3 years ago. And people will always prefer to laugh at rather than sympathize with a man who abandons society to live in the wilderness. Triumph of the will? More like triumph of the stupid.

Sean Penn: You have a very valid point. Can you say "bears" again? That sounds so cute.

Dave Grohl: Don't get too stressed out over it. It'll all blow over in a month or two.

Akon: I know. Fucker deserved it, though.

Francis Ford Coppola: "Shot dead like Malcolm in the Autobahn"? What is that? That's singlehandedly the dumbest shit known to man. People pay you to say shit like that?

Raekwon the Chef: It's "Audubon," stupid.

Michael Mann: I fucking hate it when I try to make a grilled cheese sandwich and the butter is too hard, so I can't spread it properly and end up with a huge pad of butter in the middle and the rest of the bread is left dry. Why do I always leave my butter in the fridge? When have I ever needed cold butter?

[Phone rings]

Louis Gusman: Hey, is there a Maggie here?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: Yep, hold on a sec.

Louis Gusman: Who was it?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: Some kid looking for Julianne Moore.

Nas: I'm gonna remake 'Talking in Your Sleep' by the Romantics.

Cockroach from The Cosby Show: We're still tight. He locked me in his basement three months ago.

Bill Maher: He tends to do that.

Emile Hirsch: 87, now that was my favorite shit. Flintstones vitamins and Teddy Ruxpin.

Louis Gossett Jr.: Jaws 3-D deserves more love. In fact, take away my Oscar and give Jaws 3 more recognition. I would make that deal any day of the week. It's like the original Jurassic Park.

Michael Crichton: Get a load of dumbass.

Anthony Anderson: Whose dick do I need to suck to get a fucking drink around here?

Dave Grohl: You can't compare Marvin Gaye to Smokey Robinson. You just can't.

Lawrence Kasdan: People keep telling me that, and, frankly, it's become annoying. "Oh, you made the best Star Wars Film, you should have directed them all. Blah, blah, blah" That was Irvin Kershner, idiots. I directed The Big Chill. Dude made Robocop 2.

Greg Oden: "The Big Chill." I like it. Someone get my agent on the phone.

Faye Dunaway: No... wire... hangers. What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER? I work and work 'till I'm half-dead, and I hear people saying, "She's getting old." And what do I get? A daughter... who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give her... as she cares about me. What's wire hangers doing in this closet? Answer me. I buy you beautiful dresses, and you treat them like they were some dishrag. You do. Three hundred dollar dress on a wire hanger. We'll see how many you've got if they're hidden somewhere. We'll see... we'll see. Get out of that bed. All of this is coming out. Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! You've got any more? We're gonna see how many wire hangers you've got in your closet. Wire hangers, why? Why? Christina, get out of that bed. Get out of that bed. You live in the most beautiful house in Brentwood and you don't care if your clothes are stretched out from wire hangers. And your room looks like some two-dollar-a-week furnished room in some two-bit back street town in Okalahoma. Get up. Get up! Clean up this mess.