Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Equinox

I don't get much correspondence, but if I did I'd pretend that a lot of you sexy beasts are wondering whatever became of

(Johnny Fever)

my Svengali, Idealjetsam.

Answer: he's in our hearts and minds. Mostly in our minds. Or at least mine. I think he hypnotized me one night when we were out drinking. That would explain a lot, specifically why I do the chicken dance whenever I cross an intersection.

Idealjetsam, who doesn't look a day over twelve, is to Psychedelic Kimchi what Ray Kroc is to McDonald's: he doesn't have an active role, but he's the driving force of an empire. No hyperbole.

Recently, I spoke with Idealjetsam. And the literary world fell to its knees.

A transcript (edited for length):

Sparkles:

Bang! You dead!

모든 대화 상대에게 메시지를 보내지는 못했습니다.

Bang! You dead!

Sparkles:

Shit. Missed.

Idealjetsam:

eh?

Sparkles:

Nothing, I saw your name come up and I wanted to send you a message right away. My folks sometimes do that, and it annoys the hell out of me.

Idealjetsam:

you got me

Idealjetsam:

my comp is still booting

Idealjetsam:

and it was annoying

Idealjetsam:

congrats

Idealjetsam:

dick

Idealjetsam:

you broke my computer

Idealjetsam:

now go write on your blog or something

Sparkles:

I was gonna, but I posted 25 articles this month, so I'm taking a long-deserved break.

Sparkles:

Sorry, 24.

Idealjetsam:

so drinking it is

Sparkles:

And The Mars Volta.

Sparkles:

So, what are we studying? Maybe I can help. I'm sort of a big deal when it comes to academics, you know.

Idealjetsam:

Freire's dialogic of oppression and hope as applied to a world civic

Sparkles:

Oh come on; give me something at least a little bit challenging.

Idealjetsam:

haha

Idealjetsam:

wikipedia couldn't help, eh?

Sparkles:

I was in bathroom! Bathroom!

Idealjetsam:

yeah, yeah

Sparkles:

I peed!

Idealjetsam:

fear will do that

Sparkles:

Seriously, though, I have an idea I want to run by you. It's about a short story I've imagined.

Idealjetsam:

uh-oh

Sparkles:

And I'm dead serious here.

Sparkles:

It was inspired by Murakami's "A Poor-Aunt Story" and my own life.

Sparkles:

Here it is:

Idealjetsam:

ok

Sparkles:

Told from 2 (possibly 3, though maybe 1 is the soundest idea) perspectives

Sparkles:

it's the tale of a family dog, loved by his owners

Idealjetsam:

like Lassie?

Sparkles:

Let me finish!

Idealjetsam:

ok

Sparkles:

This dog, right, he's a great dog. Very loyal, and everybody loves him. Even mailmen love this fucker

Idealjetsam:

ok

Sparkles:

But around his 14th (78th) year, the dog gets sick.

Sparkles:

Cancer

Idealjetsam:

are you sure you don't want to run to the deli for two eggs on a hard roll with provolone and tomato

Idealjetsam:

?

Idealjetsam:

ok

Idealjetsam:

cancer

Sparkles:

Beer is my dinner.

Idealjetsam:

carry on

Sparkles:

Anyway, the dog gets terminally ill.

Sparkles:

He's hurting.

Sparkles:

And the family loves him so dearly that they do everything possible to keep him alive.

Sparkles:

But the dog, he doesn't understand.

Idealjetsam:

wait

Idealjetsam:

wasn't this already done?

Idealjetsam:

are you taking the piss?

Sparkles:

After a while, he starts to wonder why the family is keeping him alive. Maybe they're torturing him.

Sparkles:

I assure you, I'm being genuine. Why, has this idea already been done?

Idealjetsam:

it sounds familiar

Sparkles:

Anyway, the dog, once a loyal and loving family dog, starts to hate, despise his owners...even the little boy.

Idealjetsam:

especially the part about the dog not knowing

Idealjetsam:

while the family does everything

Idealjetsam:

but go on

Sparkles:

I was reminded a little of Dalton Trumbo's 'Johnny Got His Gun,' but that was afterwards.

Sparkles:

Anyhoo, the dog at the end despises the the family. He wants to kill them all, only he's too weakened to do anything but stay alive and hate them.

Sparkles:

There's an unintentional eusthanization [sic] message in there. Mostly I think it's a good story about perspectives.

Idealjetsam:

what's the point?

Sparkles:

There must be a point, now? I guess the point is that nobody, human or beast, can see the whole picture. To the family, they're doing what they think is right: keeping their animal friend alive. To the dog, he feels betrayed and wonders until (and after, maybe) his death why a family he was so loyal to treated him so cruelly when they used to be so kind.

Idealjetsam:

some Hemingway you are...

Idealjetsam:

ok

Idealjetsam:

I think Bill Murray should play the dog

Idealjetsam:

no

Idealjetsam:

Charles Grodin

Sparkles:

That's not funny. Well, maybe a little.

Idealjetsam:

anyway

Idealjetsam:

the idea is cool at this stage

Idealjetsam:

but you really need to wait til the next stage

Idealjetsam:

and see where you're at

Sparkles:

Short story or novel?

Idealjetsam:

tetralogy

Sparkles:

And don't worry; it won't be a kids' story. In an early chapter, the dog catches the son wacking off and tries to hump his leg.

Idealjetsam:

interesting

Idealjetsam:

the details you thresh out first

Sparkles:

Write what you know(?)

Idealjetsam:

what ever comes to you, naturally

Idealjetsam:

ok

Idealjetsam:

reading, must do

Idealjetsam:

piss off

Sparkles:

Ha. The real question now is: what kind of dog is it?

Sparkles:

Mind if I post this on PK? The latter part.

Idealjetsam:

our conversation?

Sparkles:

About the short story/book.

Idealjetsam:

sure

Idealjetsam:

post it all. Even the part where I blame the Jews for all the wars in the world.

(OK, I made that last part up.)

Idealjetsam:

I wanna be famous

*****

So there you go; that's how my Saturday night was spent. And if you don't see many posts by me for a while, it's because a) I've been kidnapped by North Korean spies, or b) I'm writing a novel about a dog.

2 comments:

  1. Please note, due to other blogger engagements, Idealjetsam must now be "Mr. T".

    But I am still a/the man.

    Interesting interpretation of my Nancy Lang comment at the end there. Quaint. Cute. Bastard.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mr. T? Why not "Flash" or "Cat Burglar"?

    And who's this Nancy Lang?

    ReplyDelete