Back to Back Rhymin – Still Coming Up Wit Lint

1) Who's to blame for the whole Amare Stoudamire thing? After his first game back, I was ready to eat my words; he wasn't springing up and down the court, and he showed caution (or so I've read), but I thought the guy was as right as rain. Then he plays like crap 2 games in a row and might be done for the season. Being right never felt so wrong.

You mean, who is to blame aside from the fantasy basketball community?

I am just surprised anyone gets rushed back from these things. Haven’t we learned from Hill, McDyess etc that a player should wait until he feels 100 percent, then add an extra three months of rehab just to be sure. I mean, Jesus, the guy is what… 24? Do we really want to see him hobble around like Webber when he’s 30? It’s insane to think about where he was two years ago.

Ultimately, I don't think the Suns needed him back. Sure, if he was a lock to return strong, I can see the logic, but he wasn’t. There were too many ifs, which should have meant a big ‘hell no’ from D’Antoni.
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Hopefully, the Suns will look after his family. He died, right?

2) Adam Morrison: Cry Baby. Does his emotional meltdown hurt his draft position? And can we please start referring to him as Adam Morrissey? How soon is now?

I don’t see the drama. I get misty over sport montages all the time, so it’d be pretty rough of me to start calling homebrew a pansy at this point. Hell, if I was playing in the NCAAs, I’d probably cry the whole time. But that’s just me. I love ball.

Does this hurt his draft position? I say ‘no’, if only for the sheer fact that most NBA GMs are grade-A morons. Alternatively, does this hurt his draft position? I say ‘yes’, if only for the sheer fact that most NBA GMs are grade-A morons.

Just choose either of those.

I think the tourney is great opportunity to boost a player’s stock, but I don’t think that a bum game, a few tears or an ill advised timeout is going to hurt a player’s stock too much.

That said, if Morrison falls deep in the draft, I see him bouncing back to be the next white messiah. Kind of like that high school kid, if they ever find a cure for Autism. Either way, November will spawn a monster.

3) That last question's got me thinking; if NBA players were musicians, who would they be?

Jesus, man.

MJ
Elvis. Easy. The best in the game. A great comeback (1968/1996), misfires (baseball/film), that culminated in a fat guy with a problem (drugs/gambling) who walked away too late and made us lose sight of the fact that he was King. Moreover, I all but guarantee that MJ will be dead in 10 years.

And yet we can still look at back at both of them and think… damn that dude was good.

Karl Malone
Tom Petty. Good, sometimes very good, but never that good. The real reason though? Mass white truck driver appeal.
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I also considered Chris Cornell.

Bison Dele
You know, I have always been a fan of a good out-of-nowhere Bison Dele reference. Is there a better story out there than Williams walking away from guaranteed ends and the game, only to get murdered by his brother out at sea? I don’t think there is a musician that can attest to that, those fuckers never leave until the game is gone. Given that, the motherfucker has to be Buddy Holly.

And you’re Mary Tyler Moore.

Larry Bird
Bob Dylan. It took me forever to get Dylan, same deal with Bird. Both had physical limitations. Both had an unmitigated capacity to drop science. And Bird, like Dylan, has aged unscathed.

Steve Kerr
Tommy Morello. Sweet stroke. Sitting on the wing. In the shadows. Nothing but net. By extension of this, Bob Horry is Hendrix.

Ron Artest
Rick James.

Bitch.

John Starks
Kurt Cobain. Both were on top of their game in 1993. Both died in 1994.

Sir Charles
I thought about this one for a long, long time. But nothing quite stuck. I’ll leave it up to you. See below.

4) Is it OK to play a shitty game of outdoor pick-up and blame the fact that your shot wasn't falling on the wind, and on not being able to get a good handle on the ball because your hands were caked with dirt? I desperately need to know this; I think I went like 2-for-22 on Sunday.

Part of me says ‘damn 2-for-22 is some John Starks/Kurt Cobain shit’. The other part of me says ‘damn, who keeps count during a pick-up game?’. I haven’t felt this uncomfortable about unsolicited sports statistics since Ice Cube fucked around and got a triple-double on ‘Today was a Good Day’.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a regional thing, but the only records kept on courts down here are feats of incredulity and acts of sheer futility. The latter of which I was a part of more often than the former.

Bottomline - never make excuses for your game. And like Mary Schmich said, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

5) What's the biggest prank you or someone you know has ever played on someone?

You know what? Fuck you, you no baby having motherfucker.

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Back to Back

1. The Takeover/Ether - Who won?

2. Who is the Greenspan of J-babe-onomics in 2006?

3. Sir Charles.

Wilt.

Kobe.

Mahmoud Adul-Rauf.

Dominique.

Magic.

Craig Hodges.

With an added bonus - You're limited to post 1980 musicians.