Things that smell like cum [sic]

As you can probably tell from this post's title, the following subject matter is pretty gross. So why am I writing about it? Because here at Psychedelic Ketchup, we go where everyone else is too scared to tread. Like my uncle Beatrice always used to say, if you can't stomach the truth, stay out of the cum-smelling kitchen. And now, mes amis, class is in session:

- Bean sprouts boiling in water smell like cum. I really wish they didn't, because I sorta like bean sprouts. But I definitely DO NOT like the smell of cum. Yuck!

- Ginko trees in summer smell like cum. My neighborhood, which abuts a sizeable forest, is full of ginko trees. So naturally, come (no pun intended) summer, the place is totally cum-smell city. I should probably plan my vacation around this time of year. Or perhaps I should move to a cum-aroma-free neighborhood. Thing is, the rent here is really great.

- Bleach smells like some kind of super, caustic cum. If I had cum like that, I'd wind up spending a fortune on bed sheets and socks.

- Some people claim that mushrooms smell like cum. I disagree. I had a girlfriend in high school who claimed that mushrooms didn't smell like cum, but that they did taste like them (that slut). I of course wouldn't know about that.

That's the list. It's pretty short, admittedly, but that's because I don't exactly obsess over what does and what doesn't smell like cum. It's not as though I'm purposefully searching high and low for new additions to the list above. The fewer things in this world that smell like cum, the better, right?

We now return you to our considerably less vulgar regular broadcast...