Bus Driver-on-Bus Driver Crime

True story: In Burlington, Ontario, Canada -- where I lived from the time I was 6 years old until I graduated and moved to Korea -- Jim Carrey's sister drives a bus, and apparently she sings jubilantly as she does so. My guess is that Jim has looked out for her and has provided for his sibling prodigiously, because my prejudices towards bus drivers causes me to believe that nobody who drives a bus can be that happy.

Perhaps that's because I've lived in Korea for too long. Korean bus drivers are mostly a wretched lot, and while I've come across some fairly passable ones during my time here, I'd say that the ratio of abjectly horrible bus drivers to tolerable ones is 3:1. The "good guys" are the ones who might say "hello" when I get on, or...unfortunately, that is as far as my compliments extend. A "good" Korean bus driver to me is one who doesn't smoke while driving, who doesn't swear out loud while women and children are within hearing distance; one who doesn't skip stops because an armada of other buses are in front of him; one who doesn't reek of soju and nod off at the wheel.

Realistically, the "good" drivers aren't so good as much as they aren't exceedingly bad. Philanthropic sod that I am, I try to grade on a curve.

The bad drivers, though, boy, look out. Do Korean bus drivers have to endure a boot camp-style training period before they receive their licenses? Do some of the weaker ones pull a Private Pyle because they can't take the pressure, the torture, the humilliation? What turns most of them into such contemptible assholes? Seriously, I want an investigative TV documentary to shed some light on this.

Like many, I have my long list of grievances (their compulsive horn fetish, opting to zoom by stops instead of picking up passengers, smoking, dangerous driving, and so on, and so forth), but, while I don't condone these actions, most of them can be explained. The conjested traffic and "balli-balli" mindset necessitates that Korean bus drivers must take a "survival of the fittest" approach to driving. They are the alpha dogs of the road, let there be no mistake. Maybe their long hours and quota to make x number of circuits around their route is extremely stressful. OK, so they don't have it easy.

But they don't have to act like fucking barbarians.

Violence between bus drivers and drivers of other vehicles is not uncommon. In the past 5 years I've seen over a dozen incidents where a bus driver has a) vandalized the car of someone who he felt wronged him on the road, or b) actually assaulted the vehicle's driver.

In one such shocking instance the bus was chartered and full of elementary school children. Jesus, how much of a fucking brute does one have to be to attack another driver while scores of innocent schoolchildren look on?

Just last week I was on my way to Samsung Plaza when a sedan cut in front of the bus. The bus driver retalliated first by blaring his horn for a good 30 seconds, but he wasn't satisfied by this and proceeded to take an unscheduled detour and follow the offending vehicle until it finally stopped at a red light. The bus driver got out, walked up to the driver's side, and smashed his fists repeatedly on the window, shouting all manner of obscenities. Lucky for him the driver was a middle-aged woman who had no intention of further raising his ire. After the bus driver's childish venting tantrum, he got back on the bus, resumed his route, and for the next 5 minutes continued to mutter bitterly to himself. Do these sound like the actions of a rational, sane individual? Again, far from an isolated incident.

Yesterday's episode, however, takes the cake. On my way home from work, the inter-city bus on which I was riding was cut off by another similar bus while on the highway. Feeling slighted, my driver, for the next 10 minutes, proceeded to drive as dangerously and as recklessly as possible, weaving in and out of traffic and cutting off his rival a half dozen times. This continued until we exited the highway, finally coming to a head as soon as we reached Samsung Plaza. The two drivers bolted from their buses, met each other in the middle of the road, and without a moment's pause began brawling violently. There were punches thrown, shirts torn, blood shed -- it was insane. All traffic began to slow down to watch these two jerks pummel each other.

And why were they grappling like two men on PCP? Because one bus driver cut the other bus driver off. Jesus, talk about road rage.

As all this was happening, the thought did occur to me to try to break it up. Then I realized that they're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls.

In conclusion, I don't like bus drivers. I'm bigoted toward them. Perhaps this is a character flaw of mine. So be it, that's something I'll have to live with.