Buggin' Out (73*)

I posted here almost a month ago about a dream I had where Yao Ming scored 73 points in a single game. I've been having a feeling all year that someone is going to explode for 70+ points, but of course it won't be Chairman Yao. Anyway, this came before Kobe's 62-point ejaculation against Dallas a short while ago, and at the time I remember being real pissed off at Phillie Jax and Kob for not making me a modern-day Nastrodamus. I STILL contend that someone (read: Lebron James) will break 70 points this year, possibly more. Scoring this year in the NBA is looking a lot like like MLB's steroid-enhanced home run race(s) of a few years past. Someone's going to go for history.

It won't be Yao, of course, but that got me to thinking: what are some personal achievements even more ludicrous, yet still remotely possible, than Yao dropping 73?

- Reggie Miller coming out of retirement to help the Ron Artestless (that's fun to type) Pacers make a strong playoff run.

- Larry Brown quitting before the end of the regular season, then writing a tell-all book about it.

- Tyson Chandler collapsing on the court and dying of a heart attack during a televised game, making the Bulls head office realize that they traded the wrong young center. Karma permits me to write that because it has been clinically proven that Chandler, in fact, has no heart.

- Vince Carter admits to the world that he has no penis. This is actually true, but the chances of him personally admitting it are very slim.

- Ray Allen wins the MVP award. I'm convinced that, were his team playing like they did last year, and with Shuttlesworth playing like he has been this year, he'd be the hands-down "most overhyped" MVP candidate of the year. Technically, there's still time.

- The Miami Heat make the Finals. That's some crazy bullshit right theyuh. I'm actually sort of hoping for a season-ending injury to Shaq or Wade (no I'm not, no I'm not), just so I can stop foolishly hoping and start looking forward to next year, which will hopefully be 100% Antoine Walker-free. Or, in a perfect world (aka my dreams, where I'm a viking), 100% Detroit Pistons-free.